What's Eating Harley Quinn?
by teenlezbians
Summary: A seriously fluffy one-shot. Something is clearly on Harley's mind and Ivy is determined to get to the bottom of it.


Harley had been acting strange, more so than usual. It had been years since their last stay at Arkham Asylum, yet she seemed more agitated than ever. Gotham was as wicked as ever, but many of their old friends and familiar faces had taken a step back to retire. A new generation of masked mad men had taken up their old mantle, be it to save the city or destroy it. The Joker was long dead, a victim of his own prank gone wrong. Freeze had finally found the solution to save his beloved Sarah from her frozen state. Ironically, she insisted on moving to the Arctic to conduct experiments on microorganism who lived under the ice. The Riddler had completely cracked and thrown himself off the midtown weren't many left from the old days and ye Ivy never cared much for her fellow Arkham inmates, as far as she was concerned they were all useless meat bags-but all that was behind her.

She had new priorities in her life which took up most of her time. The push for climate change had brought many of the old naysayers to her doorstep asking for help. The world had finally woken up to the harm they were inflicting on the environment. Ivy and Swamp thing had been named ambassadors of the earth, tasked with creating new growth and reversing climate change. It was a tall order, but it was something she could take pride in. However, this new direction had a price; stay out of trouble at all cost-not an easy thing to do when your girlfriend was Harley Quinn.

Harley found the simple life dull, but she did the best she could as a volunteer at Arkham. She found counseling the new generation of psychopaths of Gotham rewarding. She didn't say it very often, but Ivy was proud of the good Harley had done for those wayward kids. As a mentor, they listened to Harley better than they ever would have if she had remained a doctor. Harley was, in her own right, a legend and that meant something. She had stood toe to toe with just about every hero and villain there was and she came out on the other side of it a hero-anti-hero to a whole new batch of kids. So imagine the person you idolize standing in front of you, waving a giant mallet and screaming at your to clean up your act, -In her own way Harley did more good than all those masked idiots ever had, but that was just Ivy's opinion.

So when Harley came home distracted, Ivy suspected the worst.

"Harley, dinner's on the stove," Ivy called from her office. When there was no reply she called again. "Harley?"

Ivy set her glasses down on her desk and got up from her chair. Harley stood barefoot in the living room rearranging the pillows frantically. Her hair was pulled up into pigtails, a favorite look, but one she seldom wore anymore.

"Peanut, what are you doing?" Ivy cooed as she placed a hand lightly on Harley's shoulder. Harley jumped as though she had been many miles away.

"Oh, I was-Do you think we need new pillows? These ones have lost their fluff."

"The pillows are fine Harley. Are you?" Ivy raised her brow.

"Never better, Buttercup. Chow's on the stove you said?" Harley quickly walked off toward the kitchen where Ivy had crafted a particularly delicious stew. She followed her girlfriend into the kitchen, where she leaned casually against the door frame and folded her arms across her chest impatiently. She did not like being jerked around, but Harley wasn't just someone she could kiss and force to tell. If she had learned anything over the last few years it was that patients made all the difference.

Harley filled one bowl to the brim, then a second, and sat down at the table with both bowls in front of her.

"Johnny is back in the slammer," Harley said between mouthfuls. " I coulda swore he was done with that mess for good."

"What is he in for now?"

"Dress'n like a clown and knocking off an armored car." There was the ghost of a smile on Harley's lip. Ivy wanted to sigh, but she didn't want to make Harley feel bad about missing the old days.

"Sounds familiar."

"I don't know how I'm going to get through to him. I've tried everything short of bonking him on the head with my mallet." Harley dug into her second bowl. "I mean an armored car-that's child's play. He coulda at least planned a getaway car or somethin."

"Harley-" Ivy consoled "You know it's okay that you miss the old days. Things aren't as exciting as they use to be and I know that you get- _bored_ easy, especially with how busy I've been. I'd understand if you needed to spend some time with other people-"

They had always been open about their relationship. Jealousy was a stupid game that humans played and she had no interest in being apart of it. There had been a number of occasions when she and Harley had multiple partners, but the love they shared indured. Harley's happiness was what mattered most and if seeing someone who made her feel young and wild again could do that, then maybe it was for the best.

Harley nearly choked on the oversized bite of food that dribbled from her lips.

"See someone else?" She sputtered as she tried to swallow. "Daffodil, how in Swamp Thing's green earth did you get that outta me complaining about work?"

Ivy pursed her lips and gave Harley an unconvicted look.

"Look me in the eye Harleen Quinzel and tell me you don't miss it."

"Well, of course, I miss it." Harley stood and placed her two bowls in the kitchen sink. "Don't you?"

"Stop deflecting, Harley. There's something you're not saying." Patience didn't always win.

Harley took a deep breath and sighed. She crossed the kitchen and put her arms around Ivy's neck.

"Alright-since you beat it outta me. Kitty-Kat called me today and invited us over for some kinda party or somethin. I was planning on surprising you, but you're just too clever for me." Harley kissed the tip of Ivy's nose, her check, and then the other cheek. "Still mad?"

Ivy deflated and wrapped her arms around Harley's waist.

"I guess not."

No matter how frustrated Harley made her, Ivy had never been able to stay mad. Perhaps that was why they were still together after all these years.

"Good." Harley leaned in and placed a slow kiss on Ivy's poisonous lips.

"Don't think you can kiss me and I'll forget that you left dirty dishes in the sink," Ivy whispered back.

"What if I do this…" Harley took Ivy's hand and tugged her toward the bedroom. Ivy rolled her eyes, but followed her helplessly.

* * *

"What kind of party did you say this was again" Ivy asked as Harley peeled their convertible into the long gravel driveway of Wayne Manor. The house was decorated with an assortment of vividly colored balloons with odd pictures printed on the front. One had a teddy bear, another a rattle, and a third read 'Birthday Girl' across the front.

"Oh did I forget to mention that?" Harley grinned as she hopped out of the convertible and ran around to the other side to open Ivy's door. Chivalry was dead and needed to stay dead, but when Harley did it, it was cute.

"Harley, what's going on?"

"Okay. Okay. When I said it was Kitty-Kat's party I might have-"

"Harley!"

"Exaggerated. It's the baby's birthday. And before you get mad I knew you wouldn't go if I told you the whole story. You've been working so hard lately your petals were starting to welt. I thought it might be fun for us girls to get back together again."

"You should have told me," Ivy muttered.

"Look, if it sucks I'll steal the Batmobile and we'll take it on a joy ride, whaddya say."

"Fine, but there better be wine." Ivy took Harley's hand and followed her up the steps to the Wayne Manor.

Ivy tried not to think about how her former nemesis was now married to her best friend. It was strange the way life turned out. She had to admit that for a little flesh bag, baby Helena was kinda cute. Alfred, who looked to be on his last breath led them to the backyard where the gazebo and garden grounds had been decorated to celebrate Helena's first birthday.

"They invited practically the entire justice league." Ivy hissed in Harley's ear. Harley gave Ivy's hand a tight squeeze.

"Harley! Ivy! You made it." Selena said wrapping them both into one giant hug. Bruce stood behind her, a pleased grin sat on his smug face.

"Wouldn't miss it. " Ivy lied. "This is your -What, the 10th kid now Bruce. Good thing you're rich."

Bruce chuckled, "I think this will be my last one-for now."

"Oh, it's absolutely your last one." Selena snarked. "We're tying your tubes. Between you guys and me-and I'm only saying this because Helena's too young to understand- she was a complete accident."

"Aw but a very cute one" Harley swooned. "I'm gonna hold her."

Harley let go of Ivy's hand and ran off to find the baby.

"Bruce, go with her." Selena ordered and he trailed off to catch her. Selena's eyes flicked cat like back onto Ivy. This time her stare was more appraising than casual. "So. What's going on with you and Harley."

Ivy raised an eyebrow and folded her arms.

"We're fucking-thought you knew." She said sarcastically.

"You know that's not what I meant." Selena countered. "You and I both know that there's no way you'd ever come to a birthday party for a one year old unless there was something off between you two that you're compensating for."

"If I wanted to be shrunk, I'd go to Arkham for that, thanks."

Selena amended her tone and spoke a little softer.

"Pam, really-Is everything okay. I know I haven't been there for you guys a lot lately, but both Bruce and I care."

Ivy adjusted her bug like sunglasses and cleared her throat.

"I-I really don't know. Harley has been restless lately. At first I thought she might be missing her old life, but now I'm not so sure. I'm scared she's going to do something-Harley-ish and ruin all the progress she's made for herself."

"You know that's a ridiculous thing to worry about don't you?" Selena said. " Harley is who she is, but she has you and me and-all of this. Even if she trips, no one is going to let her fall, but if it'll make you feel better I can talk to her if you want."

Ivy thought it over for a minute.

"Just remind her that she has someone else to talk to if she needs."

"I can do that." Selena smiled "Now come on. You look like you're in desperate need of a drink."

The birthday party wasn't as bad as Ivy expected. Leave it to Selena to fill a child's first birthday with plenty of alcohol. She spent most of the time catching up with Barbra, who was by far her favorite of all the bat-brats. She didn't deserve what the joker had done to her, she had been a good kid.

"So when do you think you and Harley will…" Barbara trailed off and motioned to the party around them.

"What, have a baby?" Ivy didn't mean to sound as amused as she was. "Ha. Ha. I'm toxic to the touch and Harley is, well-"

"Harley is great with kids and you can control your toxicity level. If you give me a sample of your DNA I could potentially find a cure that could make it possible to-"

"No." Ivy snapped. "Sorry, I mean no, thank you. This is me. It might not be the way I was born, but it's apart of me and it's taken quite a while but I'm finally happy with who I am."

"I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just saying that if that's the kind of future you want, it's not impossible."

Ivy's eyes trailed over to where Harley was tossing baby Helena high into the air, under the close supervision of Bruce and the other various bat-family members.

"Thank you Babs, really. I appreciate it."

As evening fell the party wound down. Ivy was content to watch the others pass her by while Harley mingled. She noticed sometime after the sun had gone down that Selena had pulled Harley aside as they had discussed. She wished she could hear what was being said, but by the look of their conversation there most certainly was something on Harley's mind that she didn't feel like sharing.

"Harl, I think we should get going." Ivy called out to her after nearly everyone had left. Selena followed them back to their car. When Harley was out of ear shot she turned to Ivy.

"What did she say." Ivy asked.

Selena only sighed and gave her a look of pity.

"Selena." Ivy snapped "I'm not in the mood. Just tell me what's going on."

"You know, for someone who prides themselves on being more aware then us lowly humans, you can be really oblivious sometimes." and then she added "If you don't already know, then I'm not going to tell you."

Ivy was preparing to say something particularly nasty, but Harley had bound up to them.

"Come on slowpoke. I want to get home before Tom and Jerry comes on." Harley linked her arm with Ivy's. "You should bring the baby over sometime and we'll have a playdate."

Selena waved goodbye and Ivy climbed into the car with an odd weight on her chest. As they pealed out of the driveway she heard her friend call out to her.

"Ivy!"

Ivy turned around to see Selena raise a single finger up at her. For a brief moment she thought she was being crass, but then something glinted off the light reflected from the house. It was a ring. Ivy sat back down and faced forward. Harley, was humming to the radio, but it was a Ivy's turn to be a thousand miles away.

* * *

Harley wanted to propose or so Ivy suspected. What else could Selena have meant? Ivy paced the length of her office feeling a rush of butterflies every time she pictured it. What was stopping her? Ivy rolled her eyes at her own foolishness, this was Harley she was talking about. The girl who only ever wanted to have a big stupid happy family with ten or twenty little 'Mista-J's' running around. Ivy had to clutch the corner of her desk to keep from falling over at the thought of children. She couldn't put a finger on how she felt, only that the thought terrified her.

Ivy steadied herself. This was a lot to take in.

"We've been together for years-Marriage is such an outdated and unnecessary institution. We don't need rings or anyone's approval to be happy-" Ivy muttered. But Marriage was never really intended to be about those things. It was nothing more than a promise and if Ivy was truly honest with herself, "I'd make that promise a thousand times a day."

She sighed and closed her eyes. There was really no question about it. She would marry Harley Quinn.

"Tonight has been lovely, Dandelion." Harley cooed. She rested her head against Ivy's shoulder as they walked along the city streets. "We haven't gone out in who knows how long."

Ivy smiled.

"There's one more place I'd like to take you, if that's okay."

Harley was tired, but she happily agreed and followed Ivy down the block. They stopped in front of a rather ugly gothic gate which held a park on the other side.

"Hey, I know this place." Harley said and pushed open the iron doors. "Golly it looks different."

"It's the park where we first became friends." Ivy remembered. Many years ago when the Joker was still terrorizing the streets of Gotham he had launched a rocket with Harley strapped to it into that very park, which was being devoured by toxic waste at the time. Now it was a beautiful paradise covered in vines, flowers and trees of all kinds.

"I had it renamed 'Quinn Park' after you." Ivy took Harley's hand and lead her to a beautiful trellis covered in vines and twinkling lights. She looked breathless and beautiful as she stared around at all that Ivy had created for her.

"I don't know what to say other than thank you. No one's ever done anything like this for me." There was a crack in Harley's voice.

"Harl, I know there's been something on your mind lately-something that you've been too afraid to ask me." Ivy said as she took both Harley's hands in her own. The other woman turn a deep shade of red and tears formed at the corner of her eyes. Ivy stepped in closer so that she could speak softly and still be heard.

"Do you want to marry me?" Ivy asked sincerely. Harley squeaked and clapped her hands over her mouth. Ivy felt a sudden rush of relief giving her the courage to what came next. Ivy lowered herself down onto one knee, her vines twisted and twirled presenting Harley with a ring.

"Harleen Quinzel, I love our life together and I love you. Will you honor me by becoming my wife?" Ivy asked, but no sooner had the words left her lips then Harley had thrown her arms around Ivy's neck and began to kiss her frantically. Somewhere between each there was a yes uttered.

Both women laid under the trellis holding one another looking up at the lights, the vines, and the stars that poked through.

After what felt like hours Ivy turned to Harley and kissed her forehead.

"It's still your turn to do dishes when we get home."

Harley chuckled.

"You got it, Daffodil."


End file.
